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A brief history lesson with mild literary criticism.
A few months ago,
Freddy and Eddy contacted us to see if we were interested in
posting some of our educational writings on the subject of BDSM on
their site. Their experience of BDSM was quite limited, and the
associations they had with it were not very warm and friendly;
they were more along the lines of Pulp Fiction’s “get the gimp”
sequence. Many people have a horrifying vision in their mind of
BDSM as a dark, dungeon world of excruciating pain and humiliating
punishment. We assured them that it didn’t have to be that way.
Now we’re here to
assure you all, it doesn’t have to be that way!
For those who are
new to the lingo, BDSM is a catch-all acronym which signifies:
Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Slave and
Master, and the infamous Sadism and Masochism.
The terms Sadism
and Masochism were coined by Doctor Krafft-Ebbing in his landmark
text Psychopathia Sexualis, which presents case studies on a
variety of sexual mania The ‘S’ and the ‘M’ refer to two men: the
Marquis de Sade and Leopold von Sacher-Masoch.
Most of us are
somewhat familiar with the Marquis as a philosopher, madman,
and/or poet. There was S&M before Sade and Masoch entertained
their urges, of course, but Sadism was never fully articulated,
illuminated, and dramatized until the Marquis combined his
materialistic, naturalistic, and atheistic philosophy with
explorations into the limits of sexual depravity. The sexual
progression of a Sade novel is similar to that of Jazz. A theme is
introduced, and then a variation, and another variation, and
another. His text shifts like a tennis match between his
pornography and his philosophy, and one is never quite sure which
of the two is more dangerous. His sex can kill, however it is his
philosophy that corrupts.
Leopold’s claim
to fame was his novel of erotic slavery Venus in Furs. Written in
1870, the novel tells the tale of Severin (an alter-ego for
Sacher-Masoch himself) and the cruel mistress, Wanda, with whom
Severin signs a slave contract. Many modern S/M writers have
surpassed Sacher-Masoch in sexual inventiveness and pornographic
appeal, but few can match his literary quality. His novel is a
study in power games, gender roles, obsessive love, and appearance
vs. reality.
Okay. That’s
enough for the literary history.
Let us get into
action and on to the Now:
It may or may not
distress you to hear that, chances are, you’re already kinky. Most
of you have probably engaged in bedroom game playing or behaviors
which would fall under the category of BDSM. It is likely that you
have already participated in some of the following:
- light bondage
(tying or being tied with pantyhose, scarves, etc.?)
- blindfolding (don’t peek!)
- dominance and/or submission (who’s on top?)
- age play (who’s your daddy?)
- role playing (doctor/nurse, teacher/student)
- teasing (not yet, hold on, etc.)
- food play (Strawberries? Whipped cream? Human sundae?)
- fetishism (toe sucking, anyone?)
- kinky clothing (spiked heels, leather bra, crotchless panties,
etc.)
Oh, we could go
on for days…
Exploring these
aspects of sexuality doesn’t have to be intimidating, because you
and your partner always dictate how far you choose to go with them
– there is no set protocol as to what you can and cannot do. Maybe
you like being tied up, but don’t want to be blindfolded while you
do it – a perfectly reasonable request. There are plenty of
“serious” BDSM players that have this as a rule, too. Maybe you
like the idea of being attended to by a naughty nurse, but want
her to be "extra gentle" – contrary to popular belief, BDSM and
kinky play does not have to involve pain in any way! As a matter
of fact, some of the kinkiest people we know get teary at the
thought of having blood drawn at the doctor’s office and cry the
loudest when they stub their toes. The bottom line is that your
sex life can be anything you want it to be, and keeping yourself
open to new experiences and not being afraid to act on your
deepest fantasies can not only do great things for your
relationship, but also help you to learn a lot about yourself and
your partner and bring the two of you even closer.
Giving up
“control” or taking it can be very cathartic and useful in
learning what your partner really likes or wants (and what you
like and want, too!), especially if they are the type that has a
hard time expressing their desires. There is something about
having your partner blindfolded that opens up an entire realm of
exploration/experimentation. Same goes for being tied up – when
you are tied up, you can pretend that you “have no choice” in what
happens to you, which affords a lot of people the freedom to
engage in more taboo activities or even just be more sexual in
general. It also comes with other potential benefits - as a woman,
being tied up helps Ms. Blondage to achieve orgasm much easier,
because it forces her to concentrate, since she can’t move around
very well. The possibilities are limitless but, as with all sexual
play, communication and trust is the key, here.
Playing dress up
can be a really good way to set the stage for exploration. The act
of preparing for sex can be very effective in helping you leave
the stresses of your day behind. The ritual of it also assists in
setting the stage for what is to come! Once you have transformed
into a dirty doctor or a naughty school girl, it is often much
easier to try new things since you are working under another
persona. Sexy clothes in general can also help assure a knockout
night of sex by just gearing the mood appropriately. If you come
home to your wife/girlfriend wearing garters and heels with a mesh
bra and no panties, there is also no question what she is looking
for! It can also help women (and men, too) to feel more
self-assured to look so sexy, which can lead to them being more
aggressive and/or receptive.
In the end, BDSM
is nothing more than a collection of impulses and ideas; about
power, personas, and personal limitations. It does not have a
trademark, copyright, or official uniform. It is a completely
individual experience and open to interpretation. We hope that we
have made it clear that as an idea, BDSM ought to be accessible to
anyone who is interested in exploring and experimenting with its
themes. We are here to offer our experience and insight to those
intrepid explorers who are searching for a safe bridge into BDSM
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