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From Behind Our White Picket Fence Week 169
By Freddy and Eddy
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Recession Ulcers

If this past week’s national GDP number – negative 6.2% - didn’t throw a scare into every inhabitant on planet earth, surely the 10.2% unemployment rate reported for our own state is enough to cause even the hardiest Angelino swallow hard brace for the worst. Spend a few hours watching CNN, whose economists forecast even lower numbers in the months to come, and small businesses like ours may become scarcer than a rainy day in July.

Unfortunately, our numbers are down over 35% from just a one year ago, saved from a staggering 50% drop by a decent Valentine’s Day spurt, coupled with a surprisingly strong December (helping us climb out of a horrific October/November as the bad economic news began hitting in earnest). Other businesses in our neighborhood haven’t fared as well, with our favorite surf shop closing down, as well as a corner video store, two discount shops, and two restaurants. Conversations with the few entrepreneurs who remain paint a bleak picture; some may be able to hold out through summer, others a year at most. If the economy doesn’t turn around and begin regaining at least a small amount of lost ground, our short stretch of Venice Blvd. may come to resemble Flint, Michigan more than the eclectic little collection of stores tucked between Wade and Inglewood.

Emotionally, we’ve been on edge since returning from Burning Man last year. The tanking economy, combined with the expense of keeping our mother in assisted living, finally hit the breaking point. Our credit cards are maxed out, our vendors are clamoring for unpaid invoices, and our mortgage is being paid precariously close to the cutoff date for triggering legal action. Rock bottom was reached in November, when we were forced to move Mom back in with us, effectively taking out half our duo, who was forced to care for her round the clock. Her Parkinson’s disease, combined with severe dementia, has led to some of the most ugly incidents imaginable (paranoid and violent episodes), culminating in Mom punching Alicia in the face on New Year’s Day and having to be dragged screaming into our house before our disbelieving neighbors. Thankfully, Mom is entering a nursing home this week, thereby ending our adventures in (senior) babysitting.

With all this stress, our sex life has dwindled to practically nil, dropping to the comically low rate of once per week as we turn the corner on February. Product testing, the lifeblood of our website, is now a pile of boxes waiting to be opened, while even the most rudimentary sexual thrill – watching porn, for example – has received scant attention as we meander through each day trying to hold it all together. Crossing our fingers, we go to work each day hoping the computer will show a few healthy orders and that Yelp.com will keep customers coming in for a visit. The LA Weekly Little Sexy Black Book publication and website, which we consider an incredible tool to promote our industry as a whole, will hopefully be getting a fresh makeover soon to add one more weapon to our business arsenal.

So far, even with the steep drop compared to a year ago, we feel we can weather the downturn if we just keep plugging away. With Mom gone, we will be returning to a two-person operation, hopefully restarting our morning product “reviews,” and carving out time to get our internet presence back up to speed. The nagging pain in our collective gut, which seems ever present, will (hopefully) give way to a stronger Freddy and Eddy and an even stronger business climate in 2009.