Why in the world would we
want to use sex toys?
There are many reasons to try and use sex toys. We use them mainly
to add a little "pizzazz" to our ongoing sexual routine, but there
are plenty of other reasons, such as increasing the intensity of
orgasm, therapy, masturbation, and even for male penetration,
which is becoming more popular among heterosexual couples.
exactly, constitutes a "sex toy?"
Well, that depends.
A sex toy can be anything from a piece of furniture or kitchen
utensil to an elaborate machine costing thousands of dollars.
Anything you use to enhance or add something to your sex life
qualifies! Sex toys come in literally thousands of shapes, sizes,
colors, and materials for every imaginable purpose. A feather for
tickling? A spatula for spanking? A back massager for vibrating
your private areas? Certainly! We've seen examples ranging from
gerbils for Gere to the wild contraption pictured above to a
headache massager for your finger that found its way south. Almost
anything goes and almost any object can qualify as your next
favorite sexual device!
I want to try a sex toy! How do I introduce sex toys to my
Whoa there, you!
Slow down. This is a VERY complicated question and requires one
basic task before you proceed - COMMUNICATION!!! Though we'd all
like to think we know our spouses/partners better than we know
ourselves, talking about sex is usually one thing we do NOT know
how to and don't DO well. For example; fifteen years ago (when we
were having sex three times a day) Eddy and I had never even
considered a sex toy and, quite frankly, didn't even know what
they were or how to use them. Sure, we'd seen dildos and vibrators
in sex shop windows or in magazines, but they were always
something we laughed at! Why, we wondered, would anyone need these
(mostly) ridiculous looking objects to have sex?
one X-mas, some friends in our apartment building gave Eddy a
Pocket Rocket, which caused everyone to laugh, but resulted in
its being shoved into the back corner of one of her drawers,
probably to never see the light of day until I finally, through
much cajoling, convinced her to give it a spin. Why was she so
hesitant to try something so simple? The answer was very deep and
complicated and opened up a discussion that touched to the heart
of her very sexuality - her inability to "let go" of her
conservative upbringing which told her sex should be ONLY with her
partner and that her enjoyment should be based on MY enjoyment. It
was at this point that I was startled to find out she had never
masturbated - ever.
point of this long-winded story is that you just don't know how
your partner is going to react when you ask to introduce a foreign
object into your most intimate situation. Your partner may feel
threatened or, worse, think he/she's inadequate and not fulfilling
your needs. Men seeking anal stimulation run the risk of being
questioned about sexual orientation (which is crazy). Remember,
there are a great many folks who get upset at the mere mention of
Playboy magazine or internet porn, so tread lightly. NEVER just
bring a toy home and unveil it in the middle of making love.
Instead, it's best
to approach the subject sensitively or humorously, such as "Hey, I
saw this funny looking thing on 'Sex in the City' and thought it
might be fun..." or "I was reading this woman's magazine in the
waiting room of (dentist, doctor, lawyer, etc.) and it mentioned a
product that..." Once the IDEA of getting a sex toy into your
relationship is accepted, discuss what type of toy you want and
PICK IT OUT TOGETHER.
He/She is interested in getting a toy - which one should I get?
Indeed. Which one to
get. As you can see in this website, the choice(s) is not easy.
However, here are some guidelines to help you filter through the
1. Clearly define
what it is you want. Are you trying to generate some extra sparks?
Do you wish to try to experience some new sensations? Are you
trying to get "over the hump" to experience an orgasm? Figure out
exactly why you want to try them and then figure out...
2. Are you looking for a toy for her, for him, or for both of you.
Once you figure that out...
3. Do you want one to use the toy together, alone, or both?
Sanitation issues aside, do you wish to introduce the toy into a
partner situation and also use it solo? If so, you should be
conscious of the design so that using it solo requires as little
effort as possible.
4. If for her, do you want a toy that focuses on the clitoris,
penetration, g-spot, anal, or some combination of all four? Most
toys serve specific purposes and once you know what areas you want
to stimulate, your choices will be narrowed and your search made
easier. After you know what you want you need to know...
5. What type of power (if any) are you seeking? Most sex toys
manufactured today run on batteries, due to the convenience of
using them without the need to be confined to the length of an
electrical cord or proximity to an outlet. Technology has evolved
to the point of extracting lots of muscle from just a few
batteries and most will adequately stimulate whatever area you
wish. Electrical powered toys, however, do have their advantages
as well, such as never having to replace batteries (it's a bummer
to run out of power in the middle of a hot sexual encounter!),
more power than even the strongest batteries can generate, and a
tendency to last longer over time (no covers to break off, no
battery acid to eat through sensitive parts, etc.). Once you've
solved your power dilemma, decide...
6. What kind of
material should I get? Most vibes and dildos for penetration are
made from either latex (rubber), silicone, jelly (gel), or glass.
In the case of latex, you'll find this material confined mostly to
dildos, though even dildos are now leaning more toward silicone,
which has many of the same properties (flexibility, pliability),
but is more sanitary due to its non-porous composition. This means
you can boil toys made from silicone or use alcohol-based cleaners
without worrying about damaging them. Jelly toys are also very
popular as they are the most life-like of all sex toys and are
known for their great pliability and realistic feeling. Glass,
also called Pyrex, has become very popular in the manufacture of
sex products due to the many beautiful designs and colors
available, while also possessing the ability to be heated or
chilled to create different sensations. Glass is also very
sanitary and can be run through a dishwasher and completely
submerged to kill any bacteria that may be present after use. The
sanitation benefits make glass toys very good for anal penetration
Sheesh, guys, we did all
that and now we want to buy one! Where do we find them and how do
we get the best pricing?
it or not, our first choice would be for you to find a local sex
shop and patronize them in your home town or city. It's important
to show your support and, just as importantly, that it's OK to go
into a well-run, classy sex shop. Here in LA, we have several
great ones to choose from, such as Grand Opening, Hustler Store,
Naughty by Nighty, and Pleasure Chest. Try to find one near you
and take your partner there. It can be great fun and a liberating
experience! Remember, you have nothing to by ashamed of or shy
about - sex is a GOOD thing and learning and experimenting
together is a BETTER thing.
Of course, since
you're here, we'd obviously like you to go to our
online store or our shopping page.
If we don't have what you're looking for, there are now thousands
of websites all over the net selling toys of all kinds at great
prices. Get on the computer together, do some research, and start