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by Jenn Ramsey
The term ‘fisting’ sounds like such a circus act... I mean, can
people really FIT their hands inside someone else? And could
that possibly be pleasurable?
The answer is a
resounding YES!
My first
experience with fisting came a few years ago at the tail end of
an animalistic, energetic sex session, full of toys, lube, and
pushed boundaries. After hours of various types of play, I kept
asking for my partner to put more fingers inside my
vagina—losing count along the way—until he shocked me by telling
me there were no more fingers to add— he’d put his whole hand
inside of me.
What? Really?
I had been laying back and enjoying the sensation... looking
down to see his hand disappearing inside me was simply amazing.
The process had been so gradual that it didn’t hurt, which
shocked me even more.
My amazement with
that night’s activities (and my pension to know more about,
well, everything sexual) sent me into a researching frenzy.
In general, I’m
coaching about vaginal fisting (since that’s where my experience
lies), but the same principles work for anal fisting. Before
doing any kind of play with the butt, I suggest reading my
article
How To Enjoy Anal Sex first. I’m speaking mostly to the
person doing the fisting, as it’s their actions that make the
difference to the experience.
1. Get
ready. Have lube standing by... you’re going to need more of
it than you will for any other sexual act. I prefer a silicone
lube like
Sliquid Silver (because it’s uber-slippery and doesn’t
dry up), or use a water-based lube like
Sliquid H2O (when it
dries up just add water and it will come right back). Wearing
gloves is a great idea... instant protection from nails and
rough skin (not to mention STDs transferred through cuts), and
they allow for easy clean up (just inverse them and poof! Hands
are clean!). We sell
black latex gloves here (made for tattoo
parlors) because they are sooo much sexier than your regular
medical-white gloves.
2. Get her ready.
As women become aroused, their vaginas
relax, expand, and lengthen and prepare to receive... something
that’s required for fisting. So, step one is to get her turned
on! (I know, the homework I give you...) This could mean regular
sex, clitoral stimulation, body (or genital!) massage...
whatever works to get her body relaxed. It may take several
sessions (weeks, months!) to work her body up to a fist...
understanding (and enjoying) this by starting with a few fingers
and working your way up over a few sessions will help greatly.
3. Communicate.
Fisting is a process... a physical communication between two
partners. Listen to what her and her body says. Go slow... go
slower than you think you need to. Remember that she needs to be
in charge of the situation, because she’s the only one that can
gauge what her body can take without pain.
4. Lube,
lube, and more lube.
Did I mention lube? Let me mention it again. The few times I’ve
been fisted, I’ve ended up swimming in the stuff (better too
much than not enough!). You’re doing an act that requires many
things to be in line... her body relaxed, your hand as small as
it can be, and her vagina as slippery as it can possibly be.
Lube once, lube twice, lube often.
5. Start slow.Insert one, then
two fingers... as you add more fingers, position them in a “duck
bill” shape, with all your finger tips pressed into a point. As
you get more fingers involved, tuck them around your thumb to
make your hand as slim as possible.
6. Keep her turned on.
Be sure to stimulate her other places at the same time (like her clit!)
to help relax her body to make it more receptive.
7. Work with her body.
Getting your knuckles through is the hardest part... I’ve gotten to this
point many times and had to call it off because it just wasn’t
working. Some women and some hands might never work... the
smaller the woman’s vagina, and the larger the hand, the longer
the process will be. For me, the tips of the fingers against the
back wall of my vagina is more of an issue than getting past the
pelvic bone; if you can, curl your finger tips to make your hand
shorter.
8. Relax and listen.
Have her try to breathe deeply and mentally picture herself opening to
your hand. Listen to her as she tells you to push, pull back,
twist or stop completely. Some pain is normal, but there’s a
difference between “good pain” and “harmful” pain... moving to
fast or before the body is relaxed can cause vaginal muscle and
tissue injuries, so patience is key.
9. Rotate.
A slight twist as you
are moving your hand in can help you get past the pelvic bone
(think about putting a cork on a bottle... twisting it on makes
it easier). Apply steady but slow pressure as you twist, and
you’ll feel your progression over time. It might help to have
her “bear down” (as if she’s pushing a baby out).
10. You’re in!
Once you are past
the pelvic bone, curl your hand into a fist. I’ve had people
simply hold still, move in and out, or gently rotate their
wrist... all create unique and intense sensations. Check with
your partner and see what feels good. Once you’re done, move your hand
back into a wedge and slip out.
It’s hard to
explain what it feels like to have someone else’s hand inside of
you. It’s intense, it’s intimate, and it can be very
emotional... you’ve just performed an act that takes an immense
amount of trust.
Make sure you keep
communicating after the act. I was thrilled to find that my own
feelings of insecurity are a normal result of fisting (Does
wanting this make me a freak? What will my partner think
of me because I’ve done this circus trick?).
Some people
believe fisting connects you with the root chakra (an Indian
term for energy center), which might explain why the emotional
surge during and after the event are so intense. What I do know
is that it is one of the most intense sexual acts I’ve ever
participated in, and I still feel a connection to the few people
that have done it to me (very much like the first people I had
sex with back in the day).
The book that's most recommended for this topic is
A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting,
My review copy is on its way and I'll tell you more about it once I've read it.
If you have any further questions, just
ask us in the message boards or
drop me a line and we’ll answer all that we can.
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