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How to Squirt! (Female Ejaculate)

by Deva Charu

 
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Tantric Expert (and newly proclaimed bed wetter)

And you thought bed wetting was a bad thing! In the past 6 months, I have taken female ejaculation from mystery to an everyday occurrence, and it has completely changed my sex life for the better. I want to share my story as well as some tips on how to have this happen for you.

Why would you want to squirt? The process that causes me to ejaculate has taken me to whole new levels of ecstasy. I now not only have multiple orgasms, but often, there is no pause between the orgasmic sensations—every stroke takes me deeper and deeper into pleasure.

This discovery for me has gone far beyond the physical response and has truly been an opening… I am more in touch with my own body, more present to my partner, and more available and alive in every aspect of my life.

This process has been roundabout and silly, sometimes fun, sometimes frustrating—but well worth the effort. In sharing my journey and giving you some practical information so you can try this at home, my hope is that you will experience your body—and lovemaking—in a whole new way, just as I have 

My introduction to female ejaculation was several years ago when a friend told me about a porno she saw which featured this strange gift. She told me of how it looked like the women were peeing, and that it was ‘disgusting and weird.’

This piqued my curiosity, but I had no idea how to go about finding more information. My interest was renewed several years later when I was with my partner for the very first time. During sex, I felt like I had to pee, and was doing my best to hold it in—but the motion of his penis caused me to ejaculate. It was a complete surprise when my partner explained what had happened. It was liberating and frustrating because I didn’t know what had (accidentally) gone right.

When I began working for Freddy and Eddy, I was promised endless resources on all things sexual, a perfect opportunity to get the information I craved. My interest was peaked when our sex-pert Jenn came into work one day raving about a new toy called the Njoy Double Ender.

Her claim was that this toy made her ‘squirt.’ I could not believe it... I needed that toy! I had to discover this mystery for myself.. had to add this to my sexual repertoire!

While I waited for this miracle toy to be delivered, I excitedly surfed the net for anything I could find on the subject. I waded through the dead-ends and ads for porn until I found a truly valuable resource: Deborah Sundahl. She is the pioneer in female ejaculation education by offering comprehensive, usable, and thorough guides on this subject. I can’t recommend her highly enough and I credit her for facilitating my happy ending to this story.

Finally, our order of the Njoy arrived. I took mine home and went right to work! What is so great about the NJoy is that it curves right towards the G-spot, it’s made out of steel so it’s very heavy. With it’s perfect curve it hits the magic spot again and again…this is a key part of the process, locating and putting repeated pressure on the G-spot.

So, here I am with my newfound information on how to find my g-spot, what it feels like, how to get it juicy with ejaculatory fluid with repeated pressure, with the ideal toy to help me—I’m ready to gush my feminine waters and…NOTHING!

For weeks I played with my NJoy on my own (a great way to practice, and avoid performance anxiety), felt my g-spot swell, but could not let the liquid out! I played with my beloved, having him put pressure on the spot with his fingers in the come-hither motion while I massaged my clitoris... I would get to the point of orgasm, push my PC (pubococcygeus) muscles (another essential part of the process) out, felt like I should be ejaculating and STILL NOTHING!

I was consistently quizzing Jenn on exactly what she might be doing differently from me, watching  How to Female Ejaculate (a very informative video by my favorite Deborah Sundahl), and reading over and over the chapter in her book Female Ejaculation and the G-spot entitled ‘techniques for ejaculating’... AAAAARRRRGH!!!

At this point I began to get frustrated and to wonder if this truly is something all women can do! How could it be that I had done it before, but could not do it again…why did I keep feeling like I was about to, but no fluid was coming out?!

This was right about the time when I happened over an excerpt from Female Ejaculation and the G-spot that reminded me to be gentle with myself and my process. I even let go of trying for a while and allowed myself to enjoy my body again without any demands.

When I felt ready one day a few weeks later, I picked up my NJoy and gave it another try. This time I waited until I could feel my g-spot swelling with fluid and I pulled the toy along my g-spot and all the way out of my body, almost milking the swollen area and pressing the liquid out...

IT WORKED!!!! YAY! I had ejaculated! The more I played and experimented the more I learned what worked for me and my ejaculation became more consistent and plentiful.

Perhaps the greatest thing about this entire journey was discovering that the very best toy of all to awaken my vagina and my ‘feminine waters’ is the penis! I spent so much of my life wondering why women were designed with our orgasm button on the outside of our vagina (the clitoris), learning to ejaculate has been an important step toward a deeper understanding of the connection between the penis and vagina, and the profound awakening that is available to us when we truly get in touch with our genitals.

Woman is not only capable of having multiple orgasms, she is capable of becoming completely orgasmic, and lovemaking takes on a whole new texture both for her and her partner. So, I invite you to embark on this journey with an open mind, patience, and a sense of humor!

For all you men out there, I called my beloved to ask him from a man’s perspective why you would want your woman to ejaculate. He tried to give a straight answer, but all he could really say was, and I quote, “…it’s because it’s fucking hot, that’s why. I don’t know why else, I mean I’m sure there is oh, you know, she’s getting everything she needs, I feel like a man, and she’s full in her womanhood... and that’s all great stuff, but the bottom line is that it’s just fucking hot, I love it, it’s just fucking hot. I love it.” (He even laughed about it.)

Men, if you are interested in encouraging your woman to ejaculate, the foundation is communication. If she feels any kind of pressure from you, she is not likely to allow herself to be vulnerable and open up in this way. Have lots of patience, and love her no matter if she squirts all over you, or if it never happens.

My man continued to tell me how sexy and lovely I was even if I never ejaculated and that was essential in reminding me to be gentle with myself and not be too attached to the outcome.

Where to begin:

The best way to begin to practice is on your own.

  1. Prepare the room so that you are comfortable. For me, that means making it nice with candles and soft music. Put something down where you will be laying that will catch the liquid. A towel will do, but the BEST thing is the Fascinator throe from Liberator. This is yummy blanket is fuzzy on one side and silky on the other, with a layer of plastic in between so NOTHING goes through it!

    It is also washable, and somehow seems that the more you wash it, the more yummy it becomes! This blanked has been key in me feeling open to letting my waters flow. There’s nothing worse than being afraid of wetting the sheets, or the mattress, couch, pillow…whatever you may have situated yourself upon. The fluid doesn’t stain, it’s just a lot of moisture to deal with when it does happen.
     
  1. It is also a great idea to have a mirror handy so you can get a view of your vagina; it is wonderful to have this option so you can see how your body is working and what is going on down there.

Isolate your PC muscles and G-Spot

  1. Your PC (pubococcygeus) muscles are the muscles in your vagina that you would use if you wanted to stop the flow of urine. Getting to know these muscles is essential because they are the muscles that will help you push the ejaculatory fluid out once your G-spot has filled. You can play with tensing and releasing them (and you are safe, since you already peed before you began), try putting your finger in one knuckle at a time and tightening around it. This will give you a feel for how strong, weak, or tense your muscles are and this may help you when you are troubleshooting what is and is not working around your process.

    One great way to strengthen your muscles effortlessly is by wearing Ben-Wa or SmartBalls. SmartBalls have a silicone outer casing, with balls inside that move around and cause your vaginal muscles to flex around them, so you are getting a workout even if you are just wandering around the house. Here at F&E we wear them to work every Tuesday!
     
  1. Ah, the infamous G-spot. The G-spot is the accessible surface of the urethral sponge (yes, a sponge... which is what you can fill up with ejaculatory fluid, then squeeze...). You can find yours by sticking your finger back in your vagina (approx. 1″-2″ inside) and press along the front wall of your vagina (towards your belly button). You will feel a spongy, ridged area approximately .5 inch across…that’s it. So illusive, and yet so easy to find when you know where to look.

    Contrary to past beliefs, all women have one and therefore all women have the potential to ejaculate! Once you find it, allow yourself to feel around and notice how pressure on that spot feels. You may get the sensation that you need to urinate…not to worry; this is part of the sensation that will eventually morph into incredible pleasure.
     
  1. Once you have discovered how pleasurable it can be to massage your G-spot, (or if inserting fingers into your own vagina isn’t comfortable), you may want to find alternatives to your fingers to make playing with it easier. Any toy that has an upward curve is going to hit it. I’ll list a bunch we carry here at Freddy and Eddy at the end of this article.
     

Filling Up and Letting Go
 

  1. Now that you know where your G-spot is, and how to clench the PC muscles that surround it, choose your favorite toy (or use your finger) and begin to put pressure on the spot. Play around to feel what feels best to you…you may notice a sensation like you have to pee. As I mentioned before, this is an integral part of the process, relax and enjoy it.
     
  2. If you are playing with a partner, have him move his fingers in a “come-hither” motion. Be sure to communicate how you like it: hard, soft, fast, slow, etc.
     
  3. As you play in this way with the G-spot, you may notice that the area will begin to become swollen and heavy…PERFECT! This means that you have activated the response in the body where the ejaculatory fluid is building up inside the urethral sponge (G-spot area), creating the fluid that you will eventually press out.
     
  4. Once you feel your G-spot is full, you can begin tightening the PC muscles. Play around, tighten and release... notice how this adds or diminishes the sensations in your vagina. Keep stimulating the spot as you experiment with your muscles. You may also want to massage or vibrate your clitoris, this will intensify the urge to orgasm, which may help you release the fluid.
     
  5. When you feel ready, pull out your finger/toy (if you can, while pressing the finger or toy against the front wall of your vagina) and press out your PC muscles at the same time. This motion will allow you to let go! The reason we pull out the finger/toy is because the fluid comes out from the urethra (pee hole) and some women’s holes are obstructed by the toy/finger/penis so they cannot release the ejaculate until they pull it out. Don’t worry, much as men share the same hole for two different fluids, so do we... just because liquid comes out of the urethra doesn’t mean it’s pee.

    With a partner you can experiment with him penetrating you and pulling all the way out, putting pressure on the front wall of your vagina as he exits…this is what works best for me.
     
  6. If you were in fact able to ejaculate, you may be coming up against some fear that you have just peed. Not to worry! This was a big fear of mine, and I simply surrendered to the idea that I might just pee…so what? I made my partner promise that he would still love me even if I was peeing and not ejaculating, and I got on with it!

    The truth is, that in the same way a man can’t pee when he is aroused, it is very unlikely that a woman can pee once her G-spot has been properly stimulated. The other thing to do is smell and touch the ejaculate… and then smell and touch a drop of urine…you will most likely find that they are two very different substances.
     
  7. That’s it really. Don’t be discouraged if you have not ejaculated, be gentle, have fun, don’t try too hard!

As I shared before, it was important for me to play alone as well as with my partner. Getting to know what worked by myself was helpful so I could bring ideas to him and know where I was at without having to feel too self-conscious.

What I have provided here is a super-basic outline. If you are committed to giving ejaculation a try and you are looking for more in-depth support I urge you to check out these educational resources by Deborah Sundahl:

  1. How to Female Ejaculate (DVD)
  2. Female Ejaculation for Couples (DVD)
  3. Female Ejaculation and The G-Spot (book)

I mentioned these throughout my article and I want to stress how helpful and influential these resources have been for me. The detailed information about this process that Deborah provides is far greater than what I have included in this article and is invaluable for a woman on this journey.

Toys that will help you find your G-spot:

NJoy stainless steel

  • NJoy double ender stainless steel dildo - this is the one I have been raving about…perfect for assisting your quest for the great squirt!
  • Phun-plug- this one is curved on both ends with bulbs for variations in stimulation

From Tantus:

         Charmer –With four ridges that answer the question, ‘where is my g-spot?’ by saying, ‘here, here, here, here.’

         G-Force- With it’s long handle, and curved head, it’s perfect for solo explorations.

         Faerie - petite, super curved

         Clover - small double bulb shape at the end points you in the right direction

         Mystic-this is an add on to the Magic Wand vibrator that hits your g-spot and clitoris with the powerful vibration from the wand

From Fun Factory:

  • Patchy Paul-one of Freddy and Eddy’s favorite toys, this worm shaped vibrator can be used to stimulate the clitoris and with the curve at the top, it’s perfect for g-spot action


Glass Toys
 

Nemo G-spot glass wand- you guessed it! simple glass, curve at the end, oh yeah! 

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