Tantric Expert (and newly proclaimed bed wetter)
And you thought bed wetting was a bad thing! In the past 6
months, I have taken female ejaculation from mystery to an
everyday occurrence, and it has completely changed my sex life
for the better. I want to share my story as well as some tips on
how to have this happen for you.
Why would you want to squirt? The process that causes me to
ejaculate has taken me to whole new levels of ecstasy. I now not
only have multiple orgasms, but often, there is no pause between
the orgasmic sensations—every stroke takes me deeper and deeper
This discovery for me has gone far beyond the physical response
and has truly been an opening… I am more in touch with my own
body, more present to my partner, and more available and alive
in every aspect of my life.
This process has been roundabout and silly, sometimes fun,
sometimes frustrating—but well worth the effort. In sharing my
journey and giving you some practical information so you can try
this at home, my hope is that you will experience your body—and
lovemaking—in a whole new way, just as I have
My introduction to female ejaculation was several years ago when
a friend told me about a porno she saw which featured this
strange gift. She told me of how it looked like the women were
peeing, and that it was ‘disgusting and weird.’
This piqued my curiosity, but I had no idea how to go about
finding more information. My interest was renewed several years
later when I was with my partner for the very first time. During
sex, I felt like I had to pee, and was doing my best to hold it
in—but the motion of his penis caused me to ejaculate. It was a
complete surprise when my partner explained what had happened.
It was liberating and frustrating because I didn’t know what had
(accidentally) gone right.
I began working for Freddy and Eddy, I was promised endless
resources on all things sexual, a perfect opportunity to get the
information I craved. My interest was peaked when our sex-pert
Jenn came into work one day raving about a new toy called the
Njoy Double Ender.
Her claim was that this toy made her ‘squirt.’ I could not
believe it... I needed that toy! I had to discover this
mystery for myself.. had to add this to my sexual repertoire!
While I waited for this miracle toy to be delivered, I excitedly
surfed the net for anything I could find on the subject. I waded
through the dead-ends and ads for porn until I found a truly
Sundahl. She is the pioneer in female ejaculation
education by offering comprehensive, usable, and thorough guides
on this subject. I can’t recommend her highly enough and I
credit her for facilitating my happy ending to this story.
Finally, our order of the Njoy arrived. I took mine home and
went right to work! What is so great about the NJoy is that it
curves right towards the G-spot, it’s made out of steel so it’s
very heavy. With it’s perfect curve it hits the magic spot again
and again…this is a key part of the process, locating and
putting repeated pressure on the G-spot.
So, here I am with my newfound information on how to find my
g-spot, what it feels like, how to get it juicy with ejaculatory
fluid with repeated pressure, with the ideal toy to help me—I’m
ready to gush my feminine waters and…NOTHING!
For weeks I played with my NJoy on my own (a great way to
practice, and avoid performance anxiety), felt my g-spot swell,
but could not let the liquid out! I played with my beloved,
having him put pressure on the spot with his fingers in the
come-hither motion while I massaged my clitoris... I would get
to the point of orgasm, push my PC (pubococcygeus) muscles
(another essential part of the process) out, felt like I
should be ejaculating and STILL NOTHING!
I was consistently quizzing Jenn on exactly what she might be
doing differently from me, watching How to Female Ejaculate (a very
informative video by my favorite Deborah Sundahl), and reading
over and over the chapter in her book Female Ejaculation and
the G-spot entitled ‘techniques for ejaculating’...
At this point I began to get frustrated and to wonder if this
truly is something all women can do! How could it be that I had
done it before, but could not do it again…why did I keep
feeling like I was about to, but no fluid was coming out?!
This was right about the time when I happened over an excerpt
from Female Ejaculation and the G-spot that reminded me
to be gentle with myself and my process. I even let go of trying
for a while and allowed myself to enjoy my body again without
When I felt ready one day a few weeks later, I picked up my NJoy
and gave it another try. This time I waited until I could feel
my g-spot swelling with fluid and I pulled the toy along my
g-spot and all the way out of my body, almost milking the
swollen area and pressing the liquid out...
WORKED!!!! YAY! I had ejaculated! The more I played and
experimented the more I learned what worked for me and my
ejaculation became more consistent and plentiful.
Perhaps the greatest thing about this entire journey was
discovering that the very best toy of all to awaken my
vagina and my ‘feminine waters’ is the penis! I spent so much of
my life wondering why women were designed with our orgasm button
on the outside of our vagina (the clitoris), learning to
ejaculate has been an important step toward a deeper
understanding of the connection between the penis and vagina,
and the profound awakening that is available to us when we truly
get in touch with our genitals.
Woman is not only capable of having multiple orgasms, she
is capable of becoming completely orgasmic, and
lovemaking takes on a whole new texture both for her and her
partner. So, I invite you to embark on this journey with an open
mind, patience, and a sense of humor!
For all you men out there, I called my beloved to ask him from a
man’s perspective why you would want your woman to ejaculate. He
tried to give a straight answer, but all he could really say
was, and I quote, “…it’s because it’s fucking hot, that’s why. I
don’t know why else, I mean I’m sure there is oh, you know,
she’s getting everything she needs, I feel like a man, and she’s
full in her womanhood... and that’s all great stuff, but the
bottom line is that it’s just fucking hot, I love it, it’s just
fucking hot. I love it.” (He even laughed about
Men, if you are interested in encouraging your woman to
ejaculate, the foundation is communication. If she feels any
kind of pressure from you, she is not likely to allow herself to
be vulnerable and open up in this way. Have lots of patience,
and love her no matter if she squirts all over you, or if it
My man continued to tell me how sexy and lovely I was even if I
never ejaculated and that was essential in reminding me to be
gentle with myself and not be too attached to the outcome.
Where to begin:
The best way to begin to practice is on your own.
Prepare the room so that you are comfortable. For me, that
means making it nice with candles and soft music. Put
something down where you will be laying that will catch the
liquid. A towel will do, but the BEST thing is the
Fascinator throe from Liberator. This is yummy blanket
is fuzzy on one side and silky on the other, with a layer of
plastic in between so NOTHING goes through it!
It is also washable, and somehow seems that the more you
wash it, the more yummy it becomes! This blanked has been
key in me feeling open to letting my waters flow. There’s
nothing worse than being afraid of wetting the sheets, or
the mattress, couch, pillow…whatever you may have situated
yourself upon. The fluid doesn’t stain, it’s just a lot of
moisture to deal with when it does happen.
also a great idea to have a mirror handy so you can get a
view of your vagina; it is wonderful to have this option so
you can see how your body is working and what is going on
Isolate your PC muscles and G-Spot
PC (pubococcygeus) muscles are the muscles in your
vagina that you would use if you wanted to stop the flow of
urine. Getting to know these muscles is essential because
they are the muscles that will help you push the ejaculatory
fluid out once your G-spot has filled. You can play with
tensing and releasing them (and you are safe, since you
already peed before you began), try putting your finger in
one knuckle at a time and tightening around it. This will
give you a feel for how strong, weak, or tense your muscles
are and this may help you when you are troubleshooting what
is and is not working around your process.
One great way to strengthen your muscles effortlessly is by
wearing Ben-Wa or
SmartBalls. SmartBalls have a silicone outer casing,
with balls inside that move around and cause your vaginal
muscles to flex around them, so you are getting a workout
even if you are just wandering around the house. Here at F&E
we wear them to work every Tuesday!
the infamous G-spot. The G-spot is the accessible surface of
the urethral sponge (yes, a sponge... which is what you can
fill up with ejaculatory fluid, then squeeze...). You can
find yours by sticking your finger back in your vagina
(approx. 1″-2″ inside) and press along the front wall of
your vagina (towards your belly button). You will feel a
spongy, ridged area approximately .5 inch across…that’s it.
So illusive, and yet so easy to find when you know where to
Contrary to past beliefs, all women have one and therefore
all women have the potential to ejaculate! Once you find it,
allow yourself to feel around and notice how pressure on
that spot feels. You may get the sensation that you need to
urinate…not to worry; this is part of the sensation that
will eventually morph into incredible pleasure.
you have discovered how pleasurable it can be to massage
your G-spot, (or if inserting fingers into your own vagina
isn’t comfortable), you may want to find alternatives to
your fingers to make playing with it easier. Any toy that
has an upward curve is going to hit it. I’ll list a bunch we
carry here at Freddy and Eddy at the end of this article.
Filling Up and Letting Go
that you know where your G-spot is, and how to clench the PC
muscles that surround it, choose your favorite toy (or use
your finger) and begin to put pressure on the spot. Play
around to feel what feels best to you…you may notice a
sensation like you have to pee. As I mentioned before, this
is an integral part of the process, relax and enjoy it.
are playing with a partner, have him move his fingers in a
“come-hither” motion. Be sure to communicate how you like
it: hard, soft, fast, slow, etc.
play in this way with the G-spot, you may notice that the
area will begin to become swollen and heavy…PERFECT! This
means that you have activated the response in the body where
the ejaculatory fluid is building up inside the urethral
sponge (G-spot area), creating the fluid that you will
eventually press out.
you feel your G-spot is full, you can begin tightening the
PC muscles. Play around, tighten and release... notice how
this adds or diminishes the sensations in your vagina. Keep
stimulating the spot as you experiment with your muscles.
You may also want to massage or vibrate your clitoris, this
will intensify the urge to orgasm, which may help you
release the fluid.
you feel ready, pull out your finger/toy (if you can, while
pressing the finger or toy against the front wall of your
vagina) and press out your PC muscles at the same time. This
motion will allow you to let go! The reason we pull out the
finger/toy is because the fluid comes out from the urethra
(pee hole) and some women’s holes are obstructed by the
toy/finger/penis so they cannot release the ejaculate until
they pull it out. Don’t worry, much as men share the same
hole for two different fluids, so do we... just because
liquid comes out of the urethra doesn’t mean it’s pee.
With a partner you can experiment with him penetrating you
and pulling all the way out, putting pressure on the front
wall of your vagina as he exits…this is what works best for
were in fact able to ejaculate, you may be coming up against
some fear that you have just peed. Not to worry! This was a
big fear of mine, and I simply surrendered to the idea that
I might just pee…so what? I made my partner promise that he
would still love me even if I was peeing and not
ejaculating, and I got on with it!
The truth is, that in the same way a man can’t pee when he
is aroused, it is very unlikely that a woman can pee once
her G-spot has been properly stimulated. The other thing to
do is smell and touch the ejaculate… and then smell and
touch a drop of urine…you will most likely find that they
are two very different substances.
it really. Don’t be discouraged if you have not ejaculated,
be gentle, have fun, don’t try too hard!
As I shared before, it was important for me to play alone as
well as with my partner. Getting to know what worked by myself
was helpful so I could bring ideas to him and know where I was
at without having to feel too self-conscious.
What I have provided here is a super-basic outline. If you are
committed to giving ejaculation a try and you are looking for
more in-depth support I urge you to check out these educational
resources by Deborah Sundahl:
Female Ejaculate (DVD)
Ejaculation for Couples (DVD)
Ejaculation and The G-Spot (book)
I mentioned these throughout my article and I want to stress how
helpful and influential these resources have been for me. The
detailed information about this process that Deborah provides is
far greater than what I have included in this article and is
invaluable for a woman on this journey.
Toys that will help you find your G-spot:
NJoy stainless steel
double ender stainless steel dildo - this
is the one I have been raving about…perfect for assisting
your quest for the great squirt!
this one is curved on both ends with bulbs for variations in
–With four ridges that answer the question, ‘where is my
g-spot?’ by saying, ‘here, here, here, here.’
With it’s long handle, and curved head, it’s perfect for solo
Faerie - petite,
small double bulb shape at the end points you in the right
is an add on to the
Magic Wand vibrator that hits your
g-spot and clitoris with the powerful vibration from the wand
From Fun Factory:
of Freddy and Eddy’s favorite toys, this worm shaped
vibrator can be used to stimulate the clitoris and with the
curve at the top, it’s perfect for g-spot action
Nemo G-spot glass wand-
you guessed it! simple glass, curve at the end, oh yeah!