Synopsis: A kit that produces a perfect replica of one's
penis.
Freddy's Review:
In late 2001, around the time we began working on this website
on a more serious basis, we made the decision to begin visiting
trade shows. If we were going to make a serious go of this
thing, our thinking went, then we should start really learning
exactly what products were out there. Being newbies to the whole
sex toy thing, we had no idea the breadth and scope of adult
offerings, so we began at the most natural place we could think
of - the AVN (Adult Video News) trade show in Las Vegas, Nevada.
And with AVN having just launched a toy and novelty section, our choice seemed
logical enough (besides, getting away from our 2 year-old for a
couple of days seemed a nice incentive to jump in the car and
make the 5 hour drive).
Safely checked into our
low-budget room in the far corner of the Tropicana, we made our way toward
the Sands Convention Center, where the show was being held and managed to
score two free passes by convincing the press person we were legitimate
reporters for the titanic Freddy and Eddy website (yeah, with our huge
- 100 visitors per day - traffic numbers). Miraculously, the lady had
actually visited our website and liked it! Our first brush with celebrity!
Nervous, we made our way through the large doors and took our first dive into
the world of porn.
 Without straying too far
off-topic (as if I haven't enough already), it would do a disservice to this
review if I failed to relay our first experience walking into the AVN show.
One simply cannot convey in words the overwhelming shock of walking into
that main hall for the first time. Giant booths, screens, and posters of the
hottest porn stars accompanied by competing zillion decibel sound systems
blast you senseless as you pass through security. The porn stars (primarily
female) are literally displayed on pedestals and stages while flat screen
monitors spew clips from their latest releases out into the voracious
audiences. Long lines of autograph seekers choke the aisles every direction
we turned and we squeezed our way slowly through the thick crowds, yelling
and screaming as they cheered their favorite performers or begged for
t-shirts to be thrown their way.
Eddy and I persevered and
fought our way toward the back of the hall, finally finding safe haven
from the mindless throngs in the business-to-business novelties section,
which was closed to the general attendees, but which we were allowed entry
due to our press credentials. Once inside, things calmed down quite a bit
and we visited each booth, dumbstruck by just how much goddamned sex
stuff there is. Hundreds, if not thousands, of different vibrators
alone! Dildos of every shape, color, and size; endless brands of lube, made
from infinite and indecipherable substances; rubber dolls, fake pussies,
sprays, lotions, drinks, aphrodisiacs, leather stuff, costumes, candy,
games, bondage gear... it was endless! How in the HELL, we mused, could
anyone try all this stuff? And even more intriguing; WHO the hell was buying
it? Was most of this junk safe? And who in their fucking MIND would want to
make a copy of their dick?!!!
Screeeeeeech! Ahem, well,
let's fast-forward a tad, shall we? For here we are, five years gone by,
hundreds of products tested, and a good deal more open-minded than that
first foray into the world of AVN with the answer to that very question.
Yes, at that cherry-popping trade show in 2001 we did indeed run across a
kit designed to make an exact copy of an erect penis. And our reaction
was one of shock and disgust, thinking one would have to be some sort of
friggin' weirdo to want to make such a facsimile. For what possible purpose
would anyone want such a thing? Isn't the real one sufficient?
 Well, readers, things do
change and people do grow. Though I'm still not mentally prepared to let my
wife strap one on and do me from behind or give me a "golden shower," I must
admit I have opened up to new experiences from which I'd have run screaming
just a few years ago. The thought of reproducing my erect penis began to
intrigue me about a year prior to this writing; and when my good buddy
Jordan (aka the Bonkmaster)
informed me HE'D made one for his girlfriend Tori (and that she loved it),
well, the urge to clone was just too hard to resist. Hence, a quick call to
our friends at Empire Labs had a box full of Clone-a-Willy kits delivered
and ready for "Operation Freddy Bone Clone."
 So
what is a Clone-a-Willy, exactly? In its simplest terms, it's a tube, some
rubber mixtures, and a small vibrator. You cut the tube to fit the length of
your erect penis, pour in a fast-hardening rubber compound, insert your
erect penis, and then remove it after the compound hardens (in two minutes).
This forms the mold, into which you pour liquid latex, which then hardens
over the following 24 hours. Once hardened, you gently pull the dried piece
out of the mold and you have before you a perfectly rendered (and usable)
replica of your penis. This life-size trophy can then be used as you would
any other insert-able with the added benefit that it's YOUR cock she's
inserting.
 For
us, the process of making Freddy Jr. spring to life in latex immortality was
not quite as easy as the kit promised. The problem came at the critical
juncture between mixing the gooey substance to make the mold and inserting
my erect penis into it. With only approximately 90 seconds to get fully
erect and into the gooey tube, I choked, big-time, and could not get hard
enough to make it into the tube on time. Even with Eddy stroking furiously,
too much time passed and the molding substance hardened into an impenetrable
glob of rubber, resulting in a trip to the trash can and a plan to overcome
this obvious barrier.
 Weeks
later, I decided to take a tablet of Cialis, which would help with
maintaining my erection, and have a stack of pornography on hand to supply
me with plenty of visual stimulus (and thereby take my mind off that ugly
tube of glop my poor cock would have to endure). Of course, a glitch came in
the form of my mother-in-law, who was scurrying about the house at the exact
time we'd planned the second attempt, resulting in a retreat to the
bathroom, where no porn would be possible. Eddy, being the trooper and
savior she is, however, quickly stripped naked, my grateful cock instantly
rising to attention and easily inserting into the tube. Minutes later, I
gently pulled myself from the tube and our mold was ready. Following the
instructions, we let the mold set for a few hours before pouring the latex
and completing the mission.
 With
great anticipation, we waited the 24 hours for the latex to dry and removed
what we'd hoped would be a successful clone. Slowly, we pulled the hardened
member from within its rubber habitat and beheld a near perfect replica of
my penis. Though a slight odor still hung in the air, the clone was a
perfect match when I held it up to the real thing and we both laughed at how
eerily close the two looked side by side. Of course, we couldn't wait to try
it and I quickly headed south with my tongue to prep her for a sexual
interlude with, well, myself. But not really myself. Or something like that.
Within seconds, however, it
dawned on me that I could now do something previously impossible -
insert my cock into my wife while giving her oral at the same time! This
drove her wild, as one could easily predict, and I immediately began
imagining possibilities beyond this oral breakthrough. For example, using
the clone, my wife could now experience double penetration with ME in both
places! She could now masturbate with ME inside her! For now, though, she
chooses to keep it on display discreetly in our shop, tucked in one of the
cases for easy access whenever called to duty again.
 Eddy Says:
Who would of thought to
clone your private parts? Well, Empire Labs did, that’s who!
The
thought of having my guys’ private member encased forever in a silicone mold
made me think twice. I thought it would be the coolest thing ever to have
his penis forever to hold. Just think, when either one of you were away on
business trips you could always pull out your trusty replica of your one and
only. Well, it was too good to pass up, so “Clone a Willy” was going to be
our next pet project.
Our
first try with Clone a Willy ended with nothing, since we couldn’t finish
the mold. Nowhere does it say that one might have an issue with trying to
keep an erection while jamming your penis into a tube full of warm oatmeal
goo. Eeeewwww! Unless your wife is
Tera Patrick or you’re a 17 year old
boy, can you see the probability of something going awry? After adding some
assistance the second time, we did have “lift off” to say the least.
What
you start off with in your kit is a clear tube, temperature gauge, wooden
flat stick for stirring, dry mix for the mold, 2 bottles of silicone and
color for the fill in, a square piece of corrugated box and a vibrator.
 You
start off with measuring and cutting the included plastic tube down to your
man’s penis length that the mold must be made in. Then you bring up your
tap water to 98 degrees. Then you add 1 ½ cups of 98 degree water into a
bowl with the dry ingredient. You must mix the 2 properties together within
2 minutes. Hear me, 2 minutes! Once your water and powder are mixed
thoroughly, pour into the plastic tubing and then thrust the tubing onto
one’s erection. They say not to worry about all the goo that
falls onto the floor. It cleans up quite easily. You want to try
to keep your penis in the middle of the tube so to get a full replica.
Then you wait for a few minutes to let it harden. After you take off
the mold it must air for a couple of hours. Then you can mix the latex and color to pour into the
mold. After you have filled the mold, you add the vibrator in the center
and hold it up by pushing it through square piece of corrugated box that
hangs over the tube edging. Once everything is set, you must wait for 24
hours for it to fully harden. Cut off the plastic tubing, pull the silicone
out, and gaze upon the amazing replica of your man’s penis!
You
will want to play and feel your man’s penis every second of the day. I bet
you will, you’ll see….
In summary, it's amazing
how far we've come in 5 years. The Clone-a-Willy? Brilliant and we recommend
it highly. Empire Labs also sells a chocolate edible version, as well as a
Clone-a-Pussy, which we plan to try soon.
Interested in purchasing a
Clone-a-Willy?
Click
here to go to our online store or
here to visit Empire Labs' website and learn more about their wonderful
product line.
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