Synopsis: The much anticipated follow-up to Pirates, this chapter follows the hapless crew as they search for one of their missing mates, battling a host of baddies before encountering the evil pirate Stagnetti, resurrected from Davy Jones' locker by an evil sorceress.
Our Review: Reviewing this feature has been no small feat. Unlike most adult releases, "Pirates 2" seeks to be a mainstream movie first, adult movie second, and porn flick almost as an afterthought. For this reason, the clever folks at Digital Playground made a crucial decision with regard to the sex scenes (which we'll talk more about later), the validity of which remains to be seen in the marketplace over time. One thing is indisputable, though; "Pirates 2" accomplishes the seemingly impossible, putting together a solid production, great cast, and impressive collection of sex scenes that surpass its predecessor in almost every way.
That's not to say "Pirates 2" is on par with even the lowest budget Sci-fi channel offering (it isn't, given its modest budget widely reported in the 2-3 million dollar range, though we suspect it to be higher), but it more than makes up for its deficiencies through steady direction by Joone, as well as crisp dialogue and well-timed special effects. Being an adult feature, it's unfortunate mainstream actors don't exactly line up for casting calls for this kind of thing; however, the lineup of industry veterans, led by workhorse Evan Stone and super trooper Jesse Jane, gamely give their all and bring plenty of credibilty to their roles of Captain Edward Reynolds and Jules Steele, respectively. The rest of the crew, led by Belladonna, Katsuni, Tommy Gunn, and a host of fresh faces deliver plenty of energy to both the sexual pairings and motivation of the story throughout (we especially liked Shay Jordan as a precocious "masseuse"). Steven St. Croix, hilarious as usual, steals the movie reprising his role as Jesse Jane's jilted lover.
We don't want to spoil things too much, plot-wise, so we'll just say "Pirates 2 - Stagnetti's Revenge," begins with Jesse Jane and Evan Stone embarking on a quest to find Serena (see the first movie if you wish to know more about her), hoping to gain her pardon from the authorities hunting and persecuting pirates. Along the way, they encounter an evil sorceress (Katsuni), looking to resurrect the evil pirate Stagnetti (killed in their last encounter), picking up a few hapless crew members in the process. There are plenty of sword fights, run ins with fearsome creatures, and near fatal encounters before it all comes to an explosive conclusion almost three hours later. We have to say that for an adult feature, the story held our interest far better than 90% of the shlock on television these days and we'd dare say it holds its own against more than a few mainstream Hollywood films,the moronic "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and unwatchable "National Treasure, Book of Secrets" being two prime examples of production teams who could learn a few things interning under the Digital Playground brain trust.
All this being the case, we certainly didn't anxiously tear the shrink wrap from this gorgeous box set just to see a bunch of pirates duking it out on the high seas. No siree. We came for the sex, and in that regard this title delivers. And delivers and delivers and delivers. In fact, there's so much sex it took us almost three full weeks to reach the end credits (when we get turned on watching porn, we usually have to hit pause and turn our attention toward each other). With the only oddity being the ommision of Jesse Jane and Evan Stone going at it (which is something to behold, as witnessed in other productions where they do), the sheer volume of steam pouring out of our screen was enough to roast our sheets before spilling one drop of lube. Shay Jordan, as an annoying little Asian masseuse, is especially scintillating in three scenes, while Jesse Jane and Belladonna go full throttle in each and every minute of on screen passion. The rest of the performers definitely earn their paychecks (does Jenna Haze ever turn in a bad performance?), with the costuming and set design never anything but first rate. As in the first "Pirates," the placement of each and every sexual interlude makes contextual sense. We never once questioned why or how any of the characters ended up in bed (or wherever), and though we imagine dental care wasn't quite up to snuff back in those days, we forgive the allowance of perfect pearly whites adorning a good blow job.
If there is one complaint we have, it's that the sex scenes are cut down to barely three minutes each within the movie's context, making it necessary to pop in disc two for the full versions (which we did just about every time - they're that good). We understand the reasoning behind this decision - the movie would stretch to over four hours long if the sex scenes were left unedited - but it might have been nice to allow some sort of option to choose the marathon way through. Still, with an enormous abundance of extras spanning four discs, we're not going to quibble over Digital Playground's decision, nor allow it to taint our respect for their production.
In summation, Digital Playground has once again put every adult company to shame and raised the bar to virtually impossible heights attainable by any but they themselves. To say it was a fun and pleasure able experience for a couple who've become so jaded by same-old, same-old adult video fare, we cannot heap high enough praise on this sexy slice of entertainment. Kudos to the decision makers at Digital Playground (is it a coincidence the company is woman owned?) for putting together the best adult feature of 2008 and we can't wait for "Pirates 3!"
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